Getting my self back...

"just a week away n i will fly to the place where i want to be" This sentence was what i kept whispering so many times for this whole week. Just like a spell that i used to confince my self again and again, that: I did make the right choice...

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I have so much passions in this life. I love music xo xo xo much. Listening to the music, humming ( while showering mostly) , and play wif my guitar. Oh, i just can't live without them. I also have passion of fashion, and been dreaming of making my own clothing line one day. Passion to help and share with less fortunate people. Build a place where they'll call home. Last but not least, i always have passion to have a lil journey to other countries, europe or US perhaps, and not just vacation, i want to stay there for some time, independently living, and importantly, gaining as much experiences as possible. Well, yes, i used to be a total positive n lively person alive. There were just so many things i wanted to do. But due to a traumatic experience years ago, Most of them seems like staying in the past. I thought time could heal almost everything. But one thing i realized lately, i never really - fully healed. Deep inside this four walls, i knew it all along. After struggling for a while, an understanding finally came to realize, that the bad news is: my life is incomplete (yet), all my plans were in a messy phase and unsurprizingly, i haven't become the person i wanted to be. Yey! But the good news: I still not give up my life. I can't give up.

Dont get me wrong, i really grateful for all that i have, and for what i am now. I can mention hundreds of things that make me so grateful. I mean it. But a tiny voice inside my head kept telling me that i want something more. something different, something extraordinary, something that will make me feel special..

And now i get the chance to see the world. The old me will absolutely say: Let's do it! No hesitant! But the person i am now, are shivering. Doubting almost everything. Not close to wondering but more to avoiding. This feeling really held me back from walking forward and i dont feel freely free.
And in this chilly night while im writing this notes, i keep and will still - wondering, maybe searching, where did the girl who bravely see the world in their best shape, walk away...