First Wedding Dance

it's my first wedding dance! I was so nervous. It's not because i never did any dance before. I indeed did some dance performances back then. It's just that, i always performing hiphop dance all my life. I never did any glamour dance for events like wedding before. I used to think that glamour dance was too girly for me. I prefer RnB and hiphop kind of dances with more movements and energy. So, when my team leader asked me to dance in a wedding, i didnt really enthusiast, but then i thought what is the big deal. 'bring it on, baby!' But hey, i was totally wrong. Glamour dance it's not that easy. I didn't get the soul at all when i practiced the dance. Movement is always important in a dance. But in glamour, those movements is nothing without expression. We need to do acting as well. Unlike RnB when fun, stupid, cool, ignorant, or any kind of expressions is acceptable as long as you got the right movement. In glamour, every step of the dance was like telling a story. Very graceful, just like a swan. And i was definitely never been good enough at being graceful at all! So here i am shaking on my very first wedding dance. I couldnt even put a smile on the stage. I was so nervous.. until i saw the bride! If i thought i was the most nervous face in the room, it was nothing compared to the bride's face. It's her Big day. Her one and only moment. And i just realize, what made me very happy is the fact that i've became a part of her 'very important' moment, eventhough i didn't know her at all. And i know that i came to love this performance, simply because i could saw the blessed face of a couple in a moment called wedding...

Be Positive

it's been some months now since i graduated from my college in one of Singapore's university. Three years ago i always thought, i would pursuing my dreams right after i finish my degree. To be a singer. You may found it very amusing, since i was taking business & finance as my major in university. But my life as a college student was spent with my guitar, composing some songs, instead of studying. Very amusing. But, well, it was my dream since highschool, and i was very sure that singing is all i ever wanted to do for my life. Wait, scratch that word 'sure'. Coz, after some thoughts, the word 'sure' always seems absurd when u're a teenager whose life's full of possibilities. I grew up. And the more i muse over it, i began to question, why i want to be a singer? Looking back to my history, my dream began with the ambition to make my mom proud. And since im good at singing, winning some competitions and stuffs, i began to think that to make my mom proud at me, i need to be popular singer and make a lot of money. But then, of course, life's not always happened as what we planned. God sent me to Singapore for a reason He only knew. So, i continued my education, just like my father always want his children to have: good education. But my dream to be a singer never stop. My initial plan a year ago was to pursue this singing career, right after i graduate. Life in college felt like waiting time. Wondering why the time flies so slow. I wanted to graduate as fast as possible, then pursuing my dream as fast as possible. Then finally it's over. Final exam came, continue with long holiday, left only a waiting for my graduation ceremony. And i left my university, my dorm, Singapore, heading back home.
I did a lot of considerations on my first week at home. Organizing plans, and so on. But i felt that somehow, my enthusiasm wasn't as big as before. My family financial situation was getting better since a year ago, and i no longer needed to earn money by being a singer. I recalled those time when i was in US for a summer school a year ago. Travelling to some places in countries far away from home, seeing different life and culture, meeting a lot of great people who taught me some new perspectives of how to see life in a different ways, i indeed grew up a lot. Thanks to them. And by that time, i added another dream to my life. to be a united nation ambassador. A job that will help me realize my dream to make this world a better place, doing charity and stuffs, volunteering to some poor countries, things i always want to do in the future. And in order to do that i need to further my study, taking International relationship, knowledge that would be useful for me in this career. So now, i have two choices. Pursuing my singing career first, or going to London to take my master degree. No matter which choice i made, i know it's not going to be any easier. There would be a lot of struggles along the way.

I talked about this possibilities to my mom, The only person in the whole world, whose words has a big influence to my decision, my plan, my life. She suggested for me to go to London. And my plan changed. And guess what, this plan then changed again, for some reasons. There was riot in London on July. My father thought it wouldn't be safe for me to study in those chaotic time, and suggest me to wait for another year. Next reason was my parents needed my helps to manage their new business. And since i was the older amongst my siblings, i have the responsibilities to helped. And here i am, working as General Manager in my family's hotel.

The question is: with a high position i have right now, dont you think it is just normal for me to be just happy with it? Apparently im not. To finally took this position, i did some sacrifices. I sacrifice the offer from a good university in London, i sacrifice my time to start my own career, and importantly i sacrifice my freedom to work independently. Unsatisfied, I spent the first month of my time working everyday with negative energy. And the fruits of this were ineffective works. I came to the office very late everyday, absence as much as possible which gave a very bad example toward my employees, in a word i worked just to kill my time, without any goals and aims to build the jobs. I felt victimized, and spend my life in a waiting for a year to be over and i finally could go to London. I didnt realize that time that i actually did another same mistake that i already did while im in Singapore. I do not maximize what i already had. i didnt realize that by doing that, i actually wasting another time of my life, useless. I was regretting, i couldnt see what i already had. I always use the words if im like this, if im like that, instead of let's do this. lets do that. And if you always used the words ''if'', then your dreams will end up being always a dream.

Let's see in a better perspective. How much difference would it made if im thinking positively. And start to take action, instead of regretting and feeling victimized.

Firstly, Be grateful! if i have the slightest feeling of grateful. How much easier my life would be. How lucky i was as a person. How countless blessings given for me. I will act as for today and not yesterday.

Secondly, be brave! Responsible for your own action, and make it better. I already made a choice. No matter what choice i made, i shouldn't blame others. Besides, there is no such things as a best choice. Only right one. And there is no people in this whole world other than our world's Creator, knows whether we made a right choice or not. It only make sense that maximizing every seconds of your life is what makes a choice seems right.

Thirdly, be passionate. Enjoy your life, love your life, be passionate! Passion or love is what makes this world round. I realized after some time, that every dream i have were started from my love to my mom and my family. Even my current decision to stay and help them with their business was based on my love towards my parents. It amused me now how that time, i felt victimized for making such decision. it's really making no sense now. Thinking back, my family is the most important people in my life. They (and God) are always my piority. So, why should i feel sad for making a bit of sacrifice for them? I should feel great. I can be helpful! And with more efforts, i can maximize my current situation to make them proud of me. (which im trying and praying to figure out how) So, simply by changing the concept of my mind, by thinking in a positive way, i believe i can change my life. a better one.

So for now, here i am. In a small city called Batam. Im still far away from any of my dreams. But, for this short months since my graduation, i did some activities that i love, and i always enjoy every moments of them. I work as a general Manager in Batam Centre Hotel. A crew for my dance team. Doing some charity and social works with my friends. Doing some photoshoot as a model in some local newspapers. Still, singing in my spare time, playing with my guitar, composing one or two songs, learning some oil paintings, having fun 'nongkrong' with my best friends, now learning mandarin and preparing for some job expedition in China the following month, readings (Something i couldn't live without, ha!), and many others activities. And i'll make sure i will have a lot more activities and experiences awaits me in this near time..

I really felt grateful now for a lot of great people i met along the way, a lot of situations, people's biographys, bibles, my mom, who taught me endlessly how to be a better person. I know im still struggling, and will always be. Because that's what life is. A journey to fight. A journey to win. And in the end, it's not the time in our life that counts, but what contributions we made in our life that made our life meaningful.

And so, here i wrote this note , and some upcoming notes ahead. With only one purpose in mind: to share. Coz i believe sharing is beautiful just like our life is. Beautiful.